This is absolutely hilarious! (not the team but a video)

I cracked up so bad

The highlight of the season is near

Finally we have something to look forward to... shame we can't trade our senile manager for a couple of batting cages, though

Base hit to right field! .... Francoeur bobbles it!

Two batters later:

... and there's a base hit to right field! Francoeur up with it....

The baseball world is laughing at this team. Sit back, crack open a cold one, and hope nobody trips on a banana peel.

8 Year Old Likes Braves and Baseball Like.. A Lot

Here's a story about an 8 year old kid who knows a lot about baseball. He's decked out in Braves gear (Andruw jersey, *shudder*) and seems to be a pretty smart little boy. He's also too young to understand the pain and anguish of watching Braves games because he is in bed by 8:30PM. Lucky him.

At least we're not the Pirates.. YET

This story made me feel a tad better. Apparently one of our "aces" could've been had for much less than Renteria. If the Pirates weren't such a joke, we would not have met our Curacaoaoian quota. OH NOEZ!!1

From mlbtraderumors.com:

From the What Might've Been File: the Tigers offered Jair Jurrjens for Jack Wilson about a year ago. Nice to see that .500 will not be a goal for the Bucs, by the way.

Detroit offered Jair Jurrjens for Jack Wilson just last July (2007). And the Tigers were not blind to Jurrjens, either. Even at the time, Detroit really liked him and saw him as being ready for the majors very, very soon.

So in essence, Atlanta received a decent pitcher and super Gorkys because the Pirates are silly.

Hot Topic: Former Braves wives special edition!

I wrote about Francoeur and how googling his name brings up all sorts of weird "related searches". Well, here's another one I stumbled upon. Google Salty, like this.

Here are the "related searches":

ashley saltalamacchia

saltalamacchia longest name

And when you do a search in Google Images here:

Related searches:saltalamacchia wife

From VelcroVernacular, here are the top 10 Braves wives past and present (Kotsay's wife not included).

Anyway, boo hoo. Salty apparently didn't want to be traded last year.

Other bits from the article:

-Gonzalez about to blow his elbow again

-Soriano is resting so he can blow out his elbow again

-Hampton blew up years ago.

-Bobby Cox STILL senile. He discussed DH-ing Chip and Tex with no mention of McCann. So whenever Campillo pitches again, McCann's 385OBP will sit down.

"I'm still better than Corky Miller"

Sure you are, Frenchy. Sure you are.

http://www.jeffbfrancoeur.blogspot.com/

Why is Corky?

Why? Why is Corky? Why is he? Why must he be? Whatever the bleep he is should not be!














I understand giving McCann a break every now and then. By "every now and then" I mean once every 15 days. But if you MUST take out your .304 AVG/389OBP All-Star catcher, at least put him in the DH spot when you're playing interleague!!

One more year of senility.

The new badass in town

5 for 10, 1 HR, 2 RBI, 4 R so far

oh, and that Charlie kid wasn't too bad either


The Braves are on ESPN tonight. http://www.FireJoeMorgan.com

Really? ....... REALLY?

Chipper hit in the face by own batted ball

What next? Oh, this. ..... OK. Touche, baseball gods.

Today's theme: Hibernation Mode (TM by bravesjournal.com)

I have been in Hibernation Mode (see: BJ) and so have the Braves. The way things have been going for them I really couldn't find anything to talk about, hence, the lack of posts.

BUT

It's only a game.. meant for our entertainment...and as such, let's have some fun with this.

Glavine had never been on the DL during his 31 year career and he's now doing his second stint until mid-July.

4 of the projected 5 starters are hurt and/or done.

Some of these losses have been RIDICULOUS (Kelly's drop, HBP in the 11th, etc, etc, etc)

Bobby Cox is old, senile, and still going to be running this sinking ship next season.

Knock knock

Who's there?

The Atlanta Braves

The Atlanta Braves who?

Exactly

Answer: This Team

Clue:

Your Atlanta Rockies

Jayson Stark, who last year said Andruw is overrated (no complaints here), is saying that the Braves are this year's Rockies due largely in part to the horrible 2-76 record in 1-run games. I guess the torture of putting up with this team will pay off if they go 37-1 to finish the season.

Who is positioned to be this year's Rockies?
A year ago this time, four of the eight playoff teams (Rockies, Cubs, Phillies, Yankees) were at least 5½ games out of the playoff spots they eventually won. Then the light bulb flicked on. So the question is: Which team this year is most likely to come from even a couple of games back in the pack and show up in October? We heard nominations for the Indians, Blue Jays and Dodgers. But our pick would be the Braves. They have a better run differential (plus-48) than six of the eight teams that would make the playoffs if the postseason started today. They rank first or second in the league in batting average, ERA and rotation ERA. And the biggest reason for their .500-ish record (28-25) is their 2-14 record in one-run games. But that's a record that figures to improve dramatically once they add John Smoltz, Rafael Soriano and Mike Gonzalez to their bullpen. "I'm going to predict this right now," said one NL scout. "I think Atlanta wins that division."

Full article here plus a few paragraphs of Chipper and the .400 chase

Belated Mother's Day Story

(from left) his mother, Mariluz Almenares, sister Yunay and wife Minerva.

Before the Braves start they're double-header, in honor of Mother's Day here's a story about Yunel Escobar and his mother. If anything it should open up our eyes and help us realize that living in the US of A ain't so bad....... no matter how many road games the Braves lose.

UPDATE: I've been informed that it is now EX-wife Minerva. Now that Yunel is big time I guess he's opted to sew his royal oats.

Teixeira no longer a Brave

SI.com has this story which pretty much says Teixeira is going to sign with NYY or NYM after this season. Boo.

AJC.com suggests signing Furcal in the offseason and moving Kelly to 1st. I suggest winning the World Series this year and then rebuild next year a la Marlins.

JoJo looks like a MLB pitcher; Adam Dunn looks like Will Ferrell

JoJo was just swell last night. Half the team is going down with injuries so it was nice to see Hudson's 3-hitter and JoJo's non-implosion.

Oh, and wow. Really?

TBAATIL delivers yet again with the Smoltz interviews (naked Julio Franco included)

Click here for an interview that John Smoltz did on 790AM The Ticket in Miami, FL. A little background info on the interview:

-Smoltz plays golf with Tiger Woods (duh)

-Smoltz and the host Dan LeBatard are pretty good friends. Smoltz refers to himself as an Atlanta brave while LeBatard is a Florida coward. Nice little play on words.

-The last few minutes with the Julio Franco story is a staple of 790 The Ticket. They play that story all the time. It is hilarious. Listen to it a few times because the guy's accent is tough to understand at times.

-Jon Sciambi used to have a show on 790 The Ticket but he quit in order to focus on baseball.

McCann's B-day Present For Chipper

There was no better bday present other than McCann's belly flop into third base last night. Braves Love has the videos for your viewing pleasure.

I Went To A Braves Game That Had More Than 4,000 People

During my time away, I did a lot of traveling and lo and behold I found myself driving through downtown Atlanta. I attended my first game at Turner Field on Friday (reminder: I live in Miami). Here's what I remember from the experience:

- Braves fans are weird. They will boo just about anybody (Andruw, Glavine, etc) that isn't in a Braves uniform anymore.

- Braves fans like to drink and be sloppy. While waiting in line to buy tickets, the #44 shrine to Hank Aaron was covered in beer cans and filth. It was kind of sad to see his number trashed.

- FEMALE Braves fans like attention. Other than the ladies at Braves Love and Velcro Vernacular and their respectives friends and families, female Braves fans are attention-greedy posers. During the whole bit between innings where the fans dance and they are put up on the jumbo screen for everyone to see I saw a girl take a picture of HERSELF. Somewhere out there is a girl with a picture of herself taking a picture of the jumbo screen while she is ON the jumbo screen. Wow.

Other quick notes:
- Andruw and Furcal colliding on a pop-up was not as funny as I thought it'd be.
- I used to hate Boyer but now I think he's OK. He throws pretty hard so good for him. Acosta is OK in my book now too.
- I like the way Blanco and Kotsay play in the OF. Very smooth.

All in all it was a good experience. This write-up of the Turner Field experience is pretty much what I experienced.

Ground Ball Grape is a scruffier Tom Glavine

First of all, I apologize for not having posted in quite some time. There were things that I had to take care of and I'm sorry to all five of my readers for the lack of posts.

Look what I found though. I stopped at a gas station one day and bought some Big League Chew. I dug in the bag for some gum and I froze when I saw the pitcher on the bag. It looks a teeny bit like Glavine with the high right elbow covering his face, the curled up grip on the ball.... It's not a dead-on copy but it's as close as you'll find on a bag of chewing gum.


Anyhoo, I will post more often now that I'm back on a regular schedule. I have a lot to tell you guys about including my first time at Turner Field for a Braves game. (I live in Miami so it was a big deal for me). So stay tuned for my recap of Braves Fans At Turner Field Are Weird post.

Google Jeff Francoeur. I dare you.

I did and apparently these are the "related searches" that Google suggests I should look into:

jeff francoeur fiance

jeff francoeur contract

chipper jones

catie mccoy

This whole Mrs. Frenchy thing has gotten way out of hand. Click on her name and enjoy all the cringe-worthy links and pictures that Google provides, like this one.

Blahhhhhh. I blame her for that 2-1 loss last night.

Braves playing like the Braves from the Braves era

Much like the last few years, the Braves beat good teams and lose to god awful teams like the Nats and Bucs. It's only one week into the season but there have been some memorable plays already. I nominate the 15 seconds of Resop in LF as the most memorable so far. I felt like I was back in Little League watching players switch gloves in the middle of an inning.

Oh, and when I can afford to do so I will buy a Smoltz jersey because the old man can pitch.

Oh ye of little faith

Autism and Atlanta Braves (this is not an April Fool's joke)

Here's a feel-good story for you guys. From CNN: When meeting Jeff Donohoo, it's not immediately apparent he is a 36-year-old man living with autism. In fact, unless you get him talking about the Atlanta Braves -- one of his true passions in life -- he is a very quiet person.

Read the rest here

How sweet would it be for the Braves to fly him to a game in ATL? Pretty frickin' sweet I would say.

News

I'm not going to even stop and doubt Spiezio's signing. Frank Wren has proven that he can do no wrong. I just think it's hilarious that LaRussa can be a drunk embarassment and still have a job in St. Louis while Spiezio does the same and he gets the boot. Well, Spiezio did wreck his car in someone's yard, and he left the scene of an accident but c'mon now ... throwing up in your neighbor's home AND beating the crap out of him? -- we've all done that at least once. And if you haven't, you should definitely put it on the things-to-do-before-you-die list.

Right now the Braves are losing 5-4. I know it's extremely early in the season but the bullpen looks a bit shaky.
UPDATE: Dinger off Acosta. 8-4. %#@!!!
UPDATE 2: I'm glad I didn't stay up for that mess of a game.

QUICK PROMO:
Kyle over at The Tomahawk is running a great site full of Braves news. It's created by Braves fans for Braves fans. Make sure to head over there and bookmark it.

Baseball

So the Braves lost 3-2. I didn't catch much of the game but I did see McCann get thrown out at 2nd. The season has officially started: McCann is slow, Chipper and Tex swung big bats, and the bullpen blew it in the 9th. Huzzah!

Kelly Johnson is a cog

Those are the words from SI.com fantasy preview:
Love this guy. Johnson is a complete and well-balanced player hitting at the top of a good lineup, and [...] he can be a cog on a championship-caliber fantasy roster.

So why the bleep are Braves players getting drafted so low in fantasy leagues?

In fantasy or reality, the Braves are severely underrated. While drafting my teams in six separate fantasy leagues (don't judge me, you're in more leagues than I am) I noticed that, except for Mark Teixeira, most Braves players are getting drafted very, VERY low.

Chipper put up MVP-type numbers last year and is getting drafted around the 4th or 5th round. McCann is probably the best offensive catcher in the NL and is getting no respect along with BFF Frenchy.

From ESPN.com:
- Jeff Francoeur, OF, Braves. In today's sabermetric-obsessed game, it's hard to find a fantasy owner who trusts a free swinger. You'll hear them recall the days of Rob Deer, who could belt 30 home runs but otherwise kill your team batting average with their strikeout-prone ways. Still, while most free swingers wind up doomed to that kind of career path, there are exceptions to the rule. Vladimir Guerrero and Alfonso Soriano, for instance, are truly special hitters, and Francoeur, with the similar athleticism he brings to the table, fits that classification.

Another guy is Smoltz. Sure he is old, bald as a cue ball, and was recently placed on the 15-day DL... but the dude can pitch.

- John Smoltz, SP, Braves. It's not so much that no one gives Smoltz due credit; it's that they don't give him enough credit, at least not in fantasy. The baseball pundits are already chattering about Smoltz's Hall of Fame chances, but in fantasy, it's constantly heard that "He's old." "He's brittle." "He's bound to decline someday." Fantasy owners love chasing upside, which is why guys like Felix Hernandez, Scott Kazmir and Ben Sheets got drafted ahead of him in the preseason, but aren't they all every bit as risky as Smoltz at his age?

So my advice to fantasy people: Draft Matt Diaz!!

Oh, and so long Kali.

College dropout John Smoltz calls Maddux a hack

Smoltz was on the Dan Patrick show Wednesday morning and talked about March Madness, Frenchy being a cheater, and saying he'd take Bonds over Diaz/B.Jones/Blanco/Schafer/Anderson




Well, he didn't say it in those words but you get the idea.


You can listen to the interview here and Smoltz's NCAA bracket is posted here.

Some background info: Patrick attended Dayton University and Eastern Kentucky while Smoltz did not attend college, though, he claims Michigan State as his school.

Let's play some BLEEPING BASEBALL!!!

I am officially pumped. Nobody hits Frenchy with a stray changeup and lives to tell about it!



St Louis, consider your season over. Now bring on the Nats and their crappy new park!

Bring on the Pirates!! Paul Mallohum, ...Mullally, uhh.. Mullholland? .... yeah, you!.... you're dead!

Flame On!

Two key pitchers (Smoltz and Soriano) are making their spring training debut today. In honor of these two flamethrowers, let's check up on past flamethrowers:


Wickman was cut last year after Adam Dunn's HR. Then he signed with AZ but he is currently a free agent. Rumor has it he will sign with the Florida Manatees as their closer. More details to come!



Kolb was invited to BoSox camp this spring. With the departure of Eric Gagne, Boston is looking for a new reliever to implode in the 8th inning and Kolb is the man to do it.






Reitsma was cut by the Mariners last season but was re-invited to Spring Training this season. I have nothing else to say about Chris Reitsma.




This list will be updated all throughout the weekend. Plenty more dead arms to come!

"Why is Spring Training in Florida?" is something I wondered as a kid

... and now I know why.

My flight to Orlando was cancelled due to the lovely weather here in Ohio. Alas, I did not get to see the sea of 60's but let's pretend I was there. Look! There goes Matt DeSalvo, #66.



I didn't see that Colter Bean fellow anywhere though. I had some choice words for him.

Tom Glavine, author of books with lots of pages

To commemorate the return of Lefty McOutsidecorner, I dug up a couple of old books Tommy wrote back in the glory days. Yeah, I had no idea he's an author either but they are selling for under $1 over at Amazon.com.



None but the Braves: A Pitcher, a Team, a Champion

Atlanta Braves pitcher Glavine describes his team's rise from the bottom of the heap to World Series champs.






Baseball for Everybody: Tom Glavine's Guide to America's Game

Atlanta Braves World Series MVP and Cy Young award winning pitcher Tom Glavine delivers an insiders' view of baseball's enduring magic and mystique.


QUICK NOTE: I will be in Orlando for the Sunday and Monday games vs STL. If anyone is going to be around, feel free to join me for a beer or nine. tbaatil@gmail.com

Marketable Braves and Matt Diaz

The Braves have always had decent exposure when it comes to marketing and lending their names out to the big companies like Rawlings and Mizuno. Here are the current big names being marketed:

MIZUNO
Jeff Francoeur
Brian McCann
Tom Glavine
John Smoltz
Chipper Jones (special anti-bunion shoes)

RAWLINGS
Kelly Johnson
Tim Hudson

Something that really surprised me was the Louisville Slugger website. Along with big boppers like Manny Ramirez and A-rod is our very own Mark Kotsay. His profile page makes him look pretty good and I'm sure he'll make good use of those bats hitting in the 8th spot. Not to be outdone, Frenchy has also put his face out there on the L.S. team.



Matt Diaz has no glove or bat deal like any other platooning left fielder. Soon my patient Matty.... soon

Chipper injured and drunk Braves fans

If you care, here's the article. Like I said a while back, why was he not locked away in a padded room? I blame this on Bobby.

.. but enough of that. How about some drunken Braves fans peer-pressured into rushing the field and spending the night in jail? Hooray.



Seems like a good time though running straight at the groundscrew and security guards was a waste. I would've done my best Andruw impression circa 1999 and made a head-first dive on the CF grass.

Phillies, Nats, Marlins, Mets Are Teams I Don't Like

In order to expand my audience here are some quick NL East stories:

- Mets relievers like to wear a lot of jewelry.

- Wife-beating Brett Myers played a prank on Kyle Kendrick.

- Nats fans get insanely mad when Talking Chop points out the ridiculous amount of ex-Braves who will be fighting for a spot at the Nationals camp. (Scroll down through the comments. Angry much?)

- Marlins are about to sign a deal for a new stadium in 2011. Being a Braves fan in Miami, I was ecstatic to read this since at one point they were thinking of relocating the team to Vegas or San Antonio.

Now for some Braves bits. I found this guy's website with A LOT of signed baseball cards. Check out Matt Diaz's card. He doesn't get a whole season's worth of stats in .... so I guess that only gets you a half-assed baseball card from the 80's, Matty. He included the bible scripture Phil 1:6 which reads:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

I want to turn that quote into some sort of left-field platoon joke but I can't get over that Cracker Jack baseball card.

Five Things You Don't Know About Me

I've been tagged by Tim at Rain Delay so here we go:

1. I played baseball for El Salvador’s national team and traveled to places like Cuba, Mexico, D.R., etc.. Currently I play in Miami in the same independent league that sprouted some MLB players such as Ronnie Belliard, Placido Polanco, and new Yankee reliever Edwar Ramirez (his changeup is absolutely ridiculous).

2. My favorite band is Green Day. .. but don’t judge me. I used to be a fan wayyy before they started wearing eyeliner and playing in every 10-year-old’s iPod.

3. I became a Braves fan thanks to TBS. Growing up outside the US, our cable company carried American channels such as TBS, WGN, and KTLA. The Cubs sucked, and the Dodgers just rubbed me the wrong way. Then Sid Bream chugging home sealed the deal for me.

4. In my spare time, I ref soccer, football, and baseball. If any of you play competitive sports, here’s some advice: Refs have feelings too! You’re bound to get more calls your way if you’re not an a-hole.

5. My favorite movie is The Fifth Element. It has everything! -- action, comedy, drama, and the best taxi chase scene ever.

and now for the tags: JMU Dreamscape, and Lauren T.

I love this

Spring Training is usually a lot of fluff... but this video blog on the Braves gave me chills.

Especially this split-second with Glavine looking over to see Smoltz's bullpen session.

Valentine's Day with Timmy and Kimmy Hudson

...and no, none of their kids are named Jimmy. Believe me, I was disappointed too.

Anyway, here's a video of Tim Hudson talking about the wedding, his wife's dress, and how to score with your college study partner:


OTHER QUICK NOTES:

- Jenny over at Velcro Vernacular has pointed us in the direction of a Frenchy interview

- Martin over at Talking Chop is doing a great job of analyzing the Braves current roster and up-and-coming prospects.

- Here is a picture of Yunel Escobar that cracked me up. There must've been something lost in translation there.

Quick Hits

- Aybar trade is starting to look good right about now , though we might have another booze hound on our team. Thanks a lot, wifey!

- Kids say the darndest things -- BRAVES STYLE

- Andruw's house still worth millions after dumping off his .222AVG/.311OBP at goodwill.

- Braves games at Turner Field are full of bad experiences. Then there are so-bad-you-can't-look-away experiences:

One Heaping Spoonful of McCann

Bradley McCann.

Here's a story from last season regarding the McCanns. They really make Brad out to be a whiny little emo jerk: Jet-black hair, Ralph Lauren shirts, and many unpleasant "Bradjectives" like greedy, bitter, hotheaded, and AWOL.

Maybe he can find some inner peace if he figures out where he was born. FL or WV?

His minor league stats show him to be an all-or-nothing hitter. Look at that sweet batting stance, though. He looks like Heap messing around in practice batting right-handed.

Anyway, I will definitely be looking out for him in Spring Training. I just need to figure out whose system he's in..... FL or KC?


In other news, a projected lineup has been posted and I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner.

Braves on TV

Spring training is around the corner. Yay? That means 1 month of "Why is Chipper still playing in the 3rd inning? Please put him back in his padded room. And get him some more of those anti-bunion shoes!"

Tentative TV schedules were announced here.

I still don't get what Peachtree is. Has that channel always existed? Will my satellite dish pick it up? Will the Braves ever be free of Canadians? Only time will tell.

By the way, Jon Sciambi does sports radio in Miami. His show is from 1PM to 3PM on 790 The Ticket. It's weird hearing him talk about something other than the "progress" that Andruw has made in the last couple of games. What do you think, Joe Simpson? Please enlighten us with how Andruw going opposite field means he's turned a corner.

I'm so glad that fat chimpunk in center is gone.